Much of medicine involves the fine art of interpersonal communications. While giant brains are certainly part of what's required, a tongue that chooses its words wisely goes a long way as well. Unfortunately all too often some people neglect the latter, and instead feel inclined to say whatever it is that happens to pop into their head. When this occurs in isolation it is ignorable, forgivable, and forgettable. When this happens on a daily basis they become inescapable, rage- inciting obsessions. Or so it seems to go with me.
One such example is the ever popular phrase that is especially in vogue on the wards: "he knows his shit." Commonly if not always used to express the thought that such and such resident/attending/student is particularly knowledgeable in whatever field is under discussion, the random unnecessary insertion of the vulgar "shit" gives it a jaded, street-wise edge thus identifying the deliverer of the remark as someone who knows his shit about what he's talking about. Bushy-tailed young medical students still full of ethics, sugar, and a desire to please would never say such a thing to express such an idea; this phrase thus deftly lets everyone know that whoever said it is not some silly bushy-tailed young medical student. If only it wasn't used by everyone. Unfortunately the fact that people still use it only serves to identify them as (A) bushy-tailed young medical students trying to grow up too fast or (B) oblivious idiots who have been around long enough to know it is an entirely over-used and not particularly liked phrase but continue to use it anyway. In either case the person is clearly in need of a punch to the mouth.
A second example seems to exist only in the hallowed halls of surgery. Attend any Morbidity and Mortality Conference and in short time you'll hear the word "gestalt" so much you'll think it's echoing off the walls. This is a particularly interesting case for a variety of reasons. I personally think "gestalt" is a pretty great word. Succinct, intelligent, manly sounding. Unfortunately for all the same reasons it appeals to every surgeon. In what is often an ongoing battle of egos where every little point counts and so every little word counts, "gestalt" nets at least a triple word score. Nothing takes the fun out of German words, however, like a surgeon. If a good word can be so over used by obnoxious people as to inspire eye rolling instead of a smile, I think it deserves to be included as a fighting word.
Lastly, to further infuse our discussion with history, I will draw reference from the recent Hollywood action hit "300." If the story is the least bit accurate you can be rest assured that calling any half decent Spartan an Arcadian is fully asking for a powerful spear thrust to the midsection. In case you have not seen the movie and are not entirely familiar with the plot, the Spartans must defend Greece from the Persian hordes using nothing but raw machismo. I believe the movie can best be summarized with a paraphrasing of a scene involving King Leonidas and a crippled gentleman wanting to join his army.
Crippled gentleman: Blah blah blah, glory of Sparta. Can I join your army?
King Leonidas: Ha ha ha, silly Quasimodo! You cannot be a Spartan. The strength of Sparta is in the phalanx -- which conveniently we will rarely fight in during the course of the movie -- and you're entirely too disfigured to fight in such a manner. For SPARTA!!!
Spartan Chorus: Haroo! Haroo! Haroo! (Or some other unrecognizable noise.)
Persian King Xerxes to cripple: Hey, dude, bow before me and I'll make you pope!
And credits.
Hopefully all the above examples make my case for me. Some words should not be said. And if they are said whoever says them should certainly get what's coming to 'em. The Supreme Court cerca 1942 demands it!
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