Those Damn Dirty Fish

Some people are incorrigible. Some fish, it seems, will respond only to violence. Despite two separate attempts at friendship, Paul's (my condomate) aquarium fish continue to insist on a tank to themselves. Shortly after moving in in February I purchased two platys who, for those not as involved in the tropical fish world as I seem to be, are essentially the Charlie Brown's of the fresh water fish world. Although they wished only to live peacefully and with friends, within 48 hours they were dead. Chased to death by their tankmates. One of the perpetrators, a skinny danio that Paul never even bothered to name, has since thankfully been smited and passed on, but the instigator of the killings, Charlie the Goldfish, lives on.

After my initial rage I moved into a general indifference to Charlie and his aquatic fiefdom. Recently, however, Paul purchased another smaller goldfish who was subsequently named Louie by another friend of ours, and, inspired by his successful integration to the tank, I decided to make another peace offering; this time with a third goldfish for the tank. It was only 24 hours before he was dead. I am not 100% sure that he was in fact murdered as well as he was stuck behind a rock and there is a distinct possibility that the idiot wedged himself there, but based on Charlie's track record I think I can make a pretty good case.

Now I am faced with the decision on what to do. Do I allow such war crimes to continue? Should I immediately flush Charlie down the sink to the filthy sewer from which he was obviously spawned? Maybe just chuck him into the dirt and debris outside for a slow painful death on land. I have considered pouring a quart of bleach into the tank and shrugging innocently when Paul awakes to find his fishes dead and half-dissolved, but I don't know. Right now the decision I'm leaning towards is simply buying a bigger, meaner fish in the beginning stages of a maritime arms race, but perhaps I just need to sleep it off.

Whatever I do there will not be justice on Earth till those fish are dead.