Chorizo to Save the World

The future of the planet depends not on the meticulous counting of carbon footprints, placement of bird grinding wind powered eye sores on every square inch of terra firma, or even the switching out of all automobiles with solar powered scooters, but on the globe saving power of chorizo.

How will chorizo save the world you ask? Well I'll tell you.

Chorizo is gold. Offal gold. The waste products that most "civilized" nations have long since learned to discard -- namely the salivary glands, cheeks, and lymph nodes of pigs and cows -- possess inside themselves thousands of years of Spanish gypsy curses, Latin voodoo, and a large number of highly agitated lymphocytes. It is all these that give chorizo its Earth saving power. By simply placing a wad in a skillet and heating gently a unique chemical reaction is catalyzed which will revolutionize the energy industry and life as we know it. Salt, fat, and neutrophil peroxidases react with carbon dioxide sequestered from the air and bad vibes cosmically pulled in from the surrounding environment to yield a thick, amber red liquid possessing remarkable properties. Each ounce of the fluid, when consumed, immediately interacts with serotonin and GABA receptors in the brain to bring about a long lasting non addictive sense of well being that begins in the belly and radiates throughout the entire body. When used as a fuel additive it instantly increases fuel efficiency by 60% while simultaneously gently scenting the air with a delicious meaty aroma. And when applied liberally to the arms and legs it cures a wide variety of medical ailments including psoriasis, atopic dermatitis, cancer, and general ugliness. Amazing.

I learned of these miraculous properties myself only this last week while making a Mexicanized breakfast casserole. Having never made breakfast casserole or chorizo my expectations were low. The end product was pretty good, but what was most disturbing was the high volume of grease that chorizo produces. I believe it is likely that if I had simply continued cooking the sausage a little longer it would have completely melted into dark red fatty globules. I love chorizo but every time I went to the stove to check on it I felt a wee bit nauseous. It is certainly one food dish that is much better appreciated never involving yourself with its preparation.

We went to the Delevan's place outside Fredericksburg again last week also. There was a fart machine which understandably consumed most of our time and attention. We additionally learned that fire roasted Peeps are much better than simple, room temperature Peeps. Microwaved Peeps on the other hand simply become an inedible elastic material useful only for waterproofing hiking boots and jackets. Paul took some pictures which he will perhaps one day post. There was that and some hiking and that's about it. After a good many good times we returned to San Antonio for more assorted lectures at inconvenient times. I made my casserole and then slept on the car ride home.