The Disorientation Process

Twenty-one days into the USAF residents and fellows orientation process and still I am not entirely sure what is going on. We have been given a scavenger list of various quests to complete, all usually involving taking a form to at least three different offices only to be rewarded with another form, and have been vaguely made aware of the existence of a second, secret list which must also be completed less we offend the Major General Travis in his omnipresence. When not wandering about the base we are either treated to a series of uncoordinated, often redundant lectures in the WHMC Auditorium, a comfy if not soporific locale, or are sent to undergo a seemingly never ending list of computer training and online courses concerning everything from the dreaded HIPAA to the international human trafficking problem to the proper use of tobacco in treating wounds and disease when trapped in occupied territory. The knee bent scattered running about is further worsened by the general lack of clear headship in the orientation process and the frequent ignorance of those who seem like they should know. It is not uncommon -- and in fact is the norm -- to receive multiple different answers to the same question depending on who you ask. This is not to complain about the individual efforts of those immediately involved, they've certainly tried to be helpful, but rather the seemingly complete lack of planning and foresight in the construction of the orientation process by whoever it was that was in charge of it. Alas, it seems planning and foresight are not common traits at certain levels of the armed forces so I suppose the orientation of one hundred plus physicians in the largest medical training program of the Department of Defense should be no different. Thankfully waiting weeks for moving boxes because they have been put in storage, waiting three plus hours for a simple CAC card, and driving thirty minutes each way to attend mandatory picnics are all made at least a little bit more tolerable by the fact that we're at least getting paid for the tomfoolery. Paid too much of course -- and that money will be paid back lest you be prosecuted as an enemy combatant under the ICMJ -- but paid nevertheless.

Orientation has had its good points. My fellow internal medicine interns seem to be good chaps all. Weekends have been completely free. Most people have been graciously kind with our collective ignorance. Other things I undoubtebly simply cannot remember right now, like, I don't know, cheap Time Warner cable at the BX are nice too I guess. It's just that, three weeks later, the only thing I am confident about is that I have not done everything that has not been asked of me. The prolonged time for orientation was supposed to give us ample time to take care of life's problems so we could be ready to focus on internship. Well, they've done that, but instead handed us a list of military-based headaches in exchange.

Speaking of internship. I am about to do this thing in a little over a day from now. There is some anxiety, a little bit of fear, and a whole lot of, "let's get this the hell over with already." Orientation was the finishing exclamation mark to a whole year of silly things which generally speaking had nothing to do with medicine. It was delightful, but I am now ready to do the real thing. As long as someone holds my hand of course. And it is knowledge that there will be that someone, indeed a whole chain of someones, that gives me confidence that though I will surely mess up a hundred times over there will be people to protect my patients from me. I am not happy that my life will be essentially nothing but medicine for the foreseeable long term, but, really, my life was not terribly exciting to begin with. At least now I will be smartening myself and saving lives in the process, at least on average. So overall things are changing and change is scary but not when the change involves things I mostly don't care much about so, in conclusion: orientation with the air force is wacky; life goes on.