They're Practically Giving It Away!

It's time to get tough on aid.

Every year the United States hands out billions, probably trillions, of dollars freely to whoever asks for it. Want some cash, Greece? How's $25 billion sound? Need to build something, Morocco? Build a thousand of 'em, here's a million. Got problems, Nepal? Oh yeah don't we all, let's see what forty mill will do for ya. Surprise me. It is a well known fact that the US spends, like, what, at least 10% of our federal budget on foreign aid every year? Maybe even 20 or 30%, I don't know. It's just probably a lot. And what do we get for it? Nothing but nothing. It's time America got what's hers.

That's why I'm happy the GOP presidential candidates are finally standing up for fiscal responsibility. I appreciated it when Rick Perry stated that every year the foreign aid budget would start at $0. And I loved it when Bachmann demanded a song and dance from every ambassador requesting assistance while she would use the ambassador's attache as a foot stool. Gingrich's statement that he would respond to every aid request with, "explain to me why I should give you a single m---- f----- penny," was the kind of frank diplomacy we need in the world. That's always been the whole problem. We just give these guys a blank check, have them fill in the zeros, and then never talk to them again until the following year's aid dispensation party.

It would be one thing if these countries helped us out by, like, assisting with our antiterrorism efforts or making peace deals and cooperating with Israel, or even if doing good deeds like eradicating infectious disease was still it's own reward, but that's not happening and it's not. Pakistan hasn't arrested a single terrorist and I'm pretty sure their army and the Taliban probably totally hang out and watch cricket together on the weekend all the time. Plus as Senator Santorum pointed out, "if we solve all the world's problems then they'll never learn to solve them themselves. As the saying goes: If you give a man a fish he'll eat for a day; if you teach a man to fish he'll eat for a lifetime. And then cripple your domestic fishing industry so we probably shouldn't do that either." Plus it's not like the world's got a monopoly on poverty. I only make $32,000 a year breaking my back, putting in long hours. I don't even take all my sick days! I know as an American what's poor here ain't poor everywhere, but I bet that's not too far from the global average. I imagine I could kick back and watch a game with some dude in Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan while we share a few Buds.

Diplomacy isn't easy, but it ain't rocket science. Until we can get everyone to finally start wearing their "friend" and "enemy" badges liked we've asked -- and get them to stop trading the damn things around -- we should at the very least demand an accounting for our charity. And a return on investment. With a nice letter of thanks. And maybe a gift basket. Containing the hand written thank you notes of children and the drilling rights to offshore oil deposits. Just a small token of appreciation with cash value equal to or greater than that which we have so freely given.


In other news, despite the American public's perception that around 25% of the federal budget goes to foreign aid in fact only about 1% ($37 billion FY 2010) does which is less than the approximately 5% ($185 billion FY 2010) of the federal budget spent annually on national debt interest. Although a little over $1.5 billion went to Egypt last year, $4.2 billion was spent on assistance for refugee populations and $9.8 billion was spent on the President's Global Health Initiative started by former President Bush to help combat HIV and other infectious diseases in developing nations. The median US income in 2007 was $25,076 and placed one in the top 10% of global wage earners. Justin Bieber is set to marry Kim Kardashian in next year's wedding of the century.