Monkey Island

In late December of 2017, just after Christmas, we visited Monkey Island, a small island off a bigger island in the middle of the Caribbean. The Caribbean islands as a whole have not had native primate species for some time, but some number of decades ago that changed. A population of rhesus macaques was brought to Cayo Santiago just off the southeastern coast of Puerto Rico to establish a research colony for primate research at the nearby Caribbean Primate Research Center. Our visit was just a short while after Hurricane Maria and the research center, nearby town of Punta Santiago, and monkey island had all been hit hard.

Our trip was part of a greater series of relief efforts which would slowly help rebuild some of the town and research center. The island itself had few permanent pre-storm structures -- the monkeys had never gotten around to building any themselves -- but the few that existed were mostly blown over or, in many cases, damaged beyond repair. Thankfully the dock which is the only means of shepherding supplies to and from the larger island remained intact. Although it is always difficult to do accurate counts given there are estimated to be 1,000+ macaques broken down into a number of mobiles groups on the island at any given time, it is estimated that only a few monkeys perished during and after the storm. Shortly after the hurricane passed the first priority was repairing Punta Santiago's dock that served as the point of departure for the daily monkey chow to the island as its vegetation and limited resources cannot support the monkeys long. This was completed by the time we arrived -- though there were still many gaps in the planks and missing boards. Our task was to help with debris clearance in anticipation of the future rebuild.

For two days we ferried over to the island and hauled twisted metal and splintered wood from one place to another. It was hot and humid even in December, and, with a few older individuals participating in the venture, we took far more breaks than probably were warranted, but nevertheless we succeeded in moving individual pieces of debris into huge piles of debris for latter shuttling off the island. Along the way we were occasionally followed by monkeys, but typically more often we were ignored completely. There was a little bit of monkey sex and a bit more monkey fighting and that was it. Aside from monkey chow time -- when the monkeys would swarm and stuff as many monkey biscuits into their hands, tails, and pockets as possible before running off awkwardly on their hind legs -- and periodic monkey migrations -- when a large herd of seemingly endless monkeys would move en masse for presumably brilliant monkey reasons -- the monkeys were more scenery than major players in our Monkey Island visit. Which is probably good because they can both be ornery and disease vectors which is never a good combination (see Herpes B virus). Interspersed amongst the monkeys were a number of iguanas that seemed equally indifferent to the presence of either of us. The most surprising aspect of our trip to Monkey Island was actually not the fauna but the flora. Or rather the lack of it. While once tropical and green the storm winds had stripped most of the leaves from the palms that typically provided cover and a once shaded island was now quite sun exposed. This was true not just of Monkey Island, but much of Puerto Rico as a whole. The power of the hurricane was still clearly visible even 3 months later.

Our work on Monkey Island aside we also helped repair some roofs, scrub mold off a ceiling -- or at least tried to, and pulled up soggy old flooring from nearby homes. There were thankfully folks with better carpentry skills than our own so hopefully the efforts are lasting. Local accommodations were provided at a hotel in the capital which was almost entirely occupied by electrical workers and individuals from various governmental and nongovernmental organizations. Although the country side and city of San Juan were not as destroyed as I had feared, the impact was still clearly present as the destruction of the island's power grid led to regular power shortages even a hundred days later and traffic lights that still didn't function. We also visited with a friend of Liz's, Nicky, who worked at the primate center and lived in a nice little town home nearby. We toured some of the nearby beaches, visited Old San Juan -- which I think is a beautiful gem of a historical town -- and ate a good number of plantains in its various incarnations. Although not a huge fan of mofongo I will never turn down a good fried plantain. 😃💟🍌

The Borinquen Tsunami and the Coming Apocalypse

Shortly, Canada.

But first, Puerto Rico. Fear it!

I was informed by an anonymous someone that nefarious plans were afoot. Specifically, nefarious plans to force statehood on our southern neighbor, Puerto Rico! It is south of here right?

The source for this? None other but the infallible, relentlessly patriotic, ceaselessly honest, steadfastly freedom loving, good Mr. Glenn Beck. His esteemed words.

Or, if you don't like clicking because clicking is hard:

I want to talk to you about the fundamental transformation of America. It could happen tomorrow.

But first, you have to understand progressives. What is it that progressives believe?

• Big government, power and control: It's not about Democrats or Republicans, people. It's power and control. You can't choose for yourself. You're too dumb, so progressives will choose and regulate everything for you

• Democratic elections: This is important to progressives. You'll hear it "democratically elected" to refer to leaders like Hitler, Chavez and Castro — all democratically elected

• Social justice: Collective redemption through the government: Call it socialism, Marxism, whatever — it's all about the redistribution of wealth

Now, I want to talk to you about Puerto Rico. Understand: This is not about Hispanics. It's not about freedom. It's about power and control.

Puerto Rico is a self-governing commonwealth, but is subject to U.S. jurisdiction and sovereignty. It's been a U.S. territory since after the Spanish-American War of 1898. They're not an independent country. It's similar to Guam, the Virgin Islands and American Samoa. Some people like it, others don't; they get to enjoy many of the benefits of America — like protection — and they don't have to pay any taxes. That's a pretty sweet deal.

So it's no wonder "the people" have consistently voted against becoming America's 51st state; three times since 1967 — the latest in 1998. It's always been the same question: Do you want to be a state?

Now, let's take you to Washington, where there's important vote happening: HR 2499 — it's called "The Puerto Rico Democracy Act." Gosh darn it, who could be against that? The bill is a non-binding resolution, supposedly to support Puerto Rico's "self-determination" on if they want to be a state or not.

That's so cute. Wait, I thought they already had a right to vote? They do. So I'm left with the question: Why do they need a non-binding resolution to support their self-determination? Is there something going on that I'm not aware of that is so important that we need to take attention away from the economy or immigration?

We've asked some of the Republicans in Congress who are supporting this bill and here are some of the answers:

"This is a vote about freedom."

"This vote does not grant Puerto Rico statehood, it simply gives Puerto Ricans the right to determine if statehood is something they want for themselves."

See, I thought they already had that. Three times they voted on that. It's almost like something else is going on. But remember, they keep telling me it's "non-binding."

If I just trusted progressives. With progressives, democratic elections always comes with a trick. For instance, Hitler was democratically elected. But as the chancellor, not the fuhrer. Whether it be through parliamentary tricks or corruption, it's important to progressives to have the appearance of "the republic." Remember: They went through the democratic process for health care.

So what's the trick?

HR 2499 — if it passes — would force a yes or no vote in Puerto Rico on whether Puerto Rico should maintain the "current status" of the island. Wait, that's not a vote on statehood. That's a vote on do you want to "maintain the status quo."

Let me ask you this: Do you want to maintain the status quo of America? ACORN's Bertha Lewis would agree with me and say no, I don't want our current direction. But we would disagree on the reasons why.

See the trick?

In the past, statehood fails because some people like the status quo, some want to be a state and some want to be independent. There are too many choices, too many options. They need to unite people. Do you want to maintain the status quo unites them, not on the answer but on the question.

See, the folks that like the status quo are more likely to vote for statehood than independence.

In 1998, there were five options on the ballot: Limited self-government; free association; statehood; sovereignty and none of the above. Which one won? None of the above.

But now, the vote is going to happen in two stages. The first stage: Do you want to maintain the status quo? Then a chair is removed. The second vote leaves you with three choices: statehood; full independence or modified commonwealth.

Remember, full independence and modified commonwealth historically get less than 3 percent of the vote. So those options will be the only thing standing in the way of Puerto Rico becoming a state.

But Glenn, it's non-binding. Big deal!

True, but here's where if you don't know history, you are destined to repeat it. Let me introduce something to you called the Tennessee Plan. (This is probably going to sound like a conspiracy theory, but I have one thing the conspiracy theories never have.)

OK — so the Tennessee Plan, you've probably never heard of it unless you are from Tennessee or Alaska. Apparently, some of those who took an oath to protect and defend the Constitution haven't heard of it either. When Tennessee first came to the Union, it had a different name; it was first called "Territory of the United States South of the River Ohio." It was a U.S. territory, just like Puerto Rico is now.

But instead of waiting for Congress to decide if they wanted to make the territory a state, they took a different, bold route: They forced the issue themselves:

• They elected delegates for Congress

• They voted on statehood

• They drafted a state constitution

• And applied for statehood

• Then, when Congress dragged their feet, they went to the Capitol and demanded to be seated

Congress was unsure of how to proceed; this was the first territory going for statehood. They relented and Tennessee became America's 16th state. Alaska did many of the same things.

Again, the Tennessee plan in a nutshell:

• Unsuccessfully petitioning Congress for admission

• Drafting a state constitution without prior congressional intervention

• Holding state elections for state officers, U.S. senators and representatives

• In some cases, sending the entire congressional delegation to Washington to demand statehood and claim their seats

• Finally, Congress has little choice but to admit a new state through the passage of a simple act of admission

Congressmen, voting for HR 2499 are like sheep being led to slaughter. They'll say the people of Puerto Rico have a right to vote for themselves. They'll vote yes. The progressives will then present a false choice to the people. Instead of saying "do you want to be a state?"it's "Do you want the status quo?" If voters vote no, the next vote removes the status quo from the ballot, leaving statehood against two far less popular options. They'll vote yes for statehood. Then they'll elect their congressman and senators, they'll demand to be seated and a 51st star will be attached to the flag.

How could this happen? Look at the immigration debate. What are Arizona and Texas being called? Racists. Anyone opposing Puerto Rico as state 51 would be called a hatemonger. Why do you hate Puerto Ricans so much? Why do you hate freedom?

This is not about Hispanics or freedom or sovereignty. It's about power and control. If progressives convince Hispanics that everyone besides progressives are racist, you'll have their vote for 60 years. But it's more than that.

Why are Democrats and Republicans for this? Because it's not about Republicans and Democrats. The progressives in our country know that this is the moment they've been waiting for; every Marxist daydream they've ever had, now is their time to get it done. They are not going to let it pass.

That's what's happening: The fundamental transformation of America. And this is only the beginning.

I told that this sounds like a conspiracy theory. But who is orchestrating this effort in Puerto Rico? Lo and behold, the New Progressive Party; from their own party platform:

"The New Progressive Party adopts the Tennessee Plan as an additional strategy for the decolonization and the claim for the admission of Puerto Rico as the 51st State of the United States of America."

And: "This shall be done through legislation which will establish a process for the adoption and ratification of the Constitution of the State of Puerto Rico, and the election of two senators and six federal congresspersons to appear before Congress in Washington D.C. to claim their seats and the admission of Puerto Rico as the 51st State of the United States of America."

They're going to paint this as a vote for freedom, but Puerto Rico has already voted and they've already spoken. When they send the delegates to Washington, if you stand against this you'll be labeled a racist.

What a friggin' racist.

Ha ha ha, ohhh... seriously. What a paranoid schizophrenic. Ignoring the obvious irrational fear evident in the above detailed inevitable cascade of events -- first Congress and the Senate pass the bill for the plebiscite, second Puerto Ricans vote that they do not want to "continue the status quo" due to an unexplainable impulse in the majority of Puerto Ricans to resist it, third they all vote for statehood because they have been duped into accepting what they have previously consistently rejected, fourth they continue this pursuit of what they don't want by drafting a state constitution, fifth they elect representatives and senators because that's what one state did over 200 hundred years ago, and sixth, presto-changeo, Puerto Rico inexplicably becomes a state in the progressive's plan for a Greater Marxist Amerika -- ignoring all that, and his facts are not even correct. Despite Beck's use of the phrase "continue the status quo" this is no where listed in the bill or the plebescite the bill intends to create as can be seen here. Rather they would choose between:

(1) Puerto Rico should continue to have its present form of political status. If you agree, mark here XX.

(2) Puerto Rico should have a different political status. If you agree, mark here XX.

Moreover, assuming they were to give in to the siren call of Puerto Rico having a "different political status" the second vote would not be between three options, two of which Puerto Ricans allegedly hate and none of which leaves things unchanged, but rather four options with the following choices:

(1) Independence: Puerto Rico should become fully independent from the United States. If you agree, mark here XX.CommentsClose CommentsPermalink

(2) Sovereignty in Association with the United States: Puerto Rico and the United States should form a political association between sovereign nations that will not be subject to the Territorial Clause of the United States Constitution. If you agree, mark here XX.

(3) Statehood: Puerto Rico should be admitted as a State of the Union. If you agree, mark here XX.CommentsClose CommentsPermalink

(4) Commonwealth: Puerto Rico should continue to have its present form of political status. If you agree, mark here XXX.

So supposing they did vote in round one like suckers, they could essentially easily recant this vote by simply selecting option (4).

But let's get back to that obvious irrational fear. Not only are Adolf Hitler, Hugo Chavez, and Fidel Castro all mentioned in a roughly four page article that has no clear connection to any of them, Hitler is actually mentioned twice. In addition to ACORN, caricatured portrayals of progressives, and socialism that is. Then there's the suggestion that all of this is being done in the back doors and dark chambers of our democratically elected Congress -- even though the bill was first submitted and publicly known about almost one year ago -- and the simultaneous suggestion that the bill is part of a gamble to "take attention away from the economy or immigration" despite it apparently being done in secret. And, lastly, a reference to the New Progressive Party of Puerto Rico which, despite its names, and Beck's attempts to suggest otherwise, is in many ways not particularly progressive and certainly not new.

So why now? I, like I would gamble Glenn Beck, cannot say. I cannot explain a lot of things. Perhaps it's because Pedro Pierluisi, a known a vocal advocate of statehood for the territory, was elected to Congress for Puerto Rico in late 2008 a few months prior to his sponsoring of the bill likely has something to do with it. Perhaps it is because a very similar version of the bill was submitted in 2007 but never voted on. Or perhaps it is because this is all part of a still greater plan to reverse annex the US to Mexico. I would ask my Puerto Rican comrades in the Army medical corps, but all they want to talk about is the redistribution of wealth and class warfare.

If you haven't heard enough about Puerto Rico's grand putsch may I suggest:

The details of HR 2499 at the nonprofit for government transparency OpenCongress.org. This site is awesome.

The details of of why Beck is crazy at the moderately conservative web publication The New Ledger. Moderately less awesome.