Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time

This Christmas there were no children. In that respect it was sad.

This Christmas, however, there were zombies. And in that respect it was awesome.

All I want to talk about are the zombies.

The board game, Last Night on Earth, is a relatively complex game based around the relatively simple concept of brain eating zombies wanting to eat your brains. You can either be the brain possessing heroes or the brain craving zombies. The heroes have the advantage of various guns, clubs, and special traits while the zombies have the advantage of being numberless and relentless.

Round 1. Team Hero: Adam/Ellen. Team Zombie: Scooter/Ashlee.
The first game was a disaster for the zombies of their own design. The goal for the heroes was simply: kill a lot of zombies. The goal for the zombies was simply: eat some brains and don't get killed too much. And the zombies did quite well at first eating their first brain only two or three turns in. Worried that the heroes were holing up at the police station setting up a rowdy defense the zombies then decided upon the unorthodox plan of a strategic retreat thinking that time would run down before the heroes could kill enough of them to win then game. It turns out zombies don't usually run away because zombies aren't very good at it. The game ended when after the heroes loaded up on a variety of weapons the zombies didn't know existed they then proceeded to hunt down and execute a sufficient number of the poor, defenseless fleeing undead to declare victory. It was mass zombicide; war crimes were committed. 


Round 2. Team Hero: Scooter and Ashlee. Team Zombie: Adam.
Second game involved finding gasoline and a fire source to burn out all the zombie spawning points. The heroes for whatever reason spent most their time collecting awesome weapons, however, and eventually the time ran out. It turns out gasoline is a little hard to find in a run down, zombie infested wasteland, and it doesn't help when the zombies proactively guard the gas station. Make up your minds zombies: do you want brains or petrol?


Round 3. Team Hero: Adam and Ashlee. Team Zombie: Scooter.
The objective of the third round was to escape in the truck after finding the keys and some gas. Despite finding both practically strapped with a bow wrapped tightly around their faces the heroes still had a difficult time getting all the gear to the truck. The zombies succeeded in eating a number of the heroes, but this coincidentally led to their undoing because it turns out for every human you eat another one rises up in its place. Or more exactly in the middle of the game board right where the blasted truck is. Despite their being a dozen zombies on the truck with them -- and the corpses of a few of their friends -- the heroes managed to make it out of town at the very last moment.



Round 4. Team Hero: Scooter and Ashlee. Team Zombie: Adam.
Last game all the heroes needed to do was find four towns folk and then hustle their butts out of town. They performed swimmingly. They all quickly bound together at the gun shop, loaded up on weapons and obscene amounts of dynamite that no one had previously known were available, and then proceeded to blow the every loving bejeesus out of the zombies. Along the way they quickly collected their needed townsfolk and simply waited for dawn when they'd all stroll casually out of town leaving the city nothing but a smoldering crater of zombie parts. Unfortunately it turns out the zombies had the trump card of trump cards and the very last turn played it resulting in one of the four townsfolk running off to join the circus or some garbage like that thus leading to zombie victory. Stupid, dirty, cheating zombies.



Just so my Christmas story isn't entirely about the evil reanimation of the dead, let me say that we also went to a terrible Christmas carol opera in San Francisco and then ate a month's worth of chocolate at Ghirardellis. It's what baby Jesus would have wanted.  


It's toe lickin' time!

Risky Business

Last month I vacationed to California for family fun time or, as it is also known in my family, Joust. Although we do not actually dawn armor and brandish shields in attempts to impale each other with poles, there is a lot of yelling and noise and inevitably someone will get trampled by a horse. It is just a matter of time before we break out the pikes.

Aside from periodic outbreaks of third grade name calling, no visit home would be complete without... well sleeping on the ground? Mostly it's just periodic outbreaks of third grade name calling. Fruity Pebbles, there was lots of that too. And clothes disappearing into a still as of yet unlocalized black hole. And... Fox News?

Typical family vacations aside, the time was spent in a variety of activities, most important of which being collectively kicking Bowser's backside in Nintendo Wii. That and denying Lucca access to the game. Of course there was also:

• Time at the beach in the gravel and surf
• Three flies up (man Hawaiian girls got weak arms)
• Chocolate covered soggy bananas
• Fireworks
• HORSE (man Hawaiian girls got weak arms)
• Gabby teaching my friend Ro and I to surf
• Eighteen man Nertz
• In-N-Out just once (so sad)
• A never ending game of paddle ball against every last one of my nieces
• Time with Grandma Ruby and Grandma Ruby's nurse
• Time walking home from the park after getting our truck locked in the parking lot
• Time with Matthew and Michael and Michael's cougar
• A corrupted game of Risk complicated by Adam's treacherous general surrender of his empire to his enemy and coincidental wife Ashlee
• An Angels game
• And our surprisingly violent improvised obstacle course (Lily your catastrophic fall was still the greatest)

We even managed to have a beach fire and s'mores for once where Sarah patented the 4x4. At least I think it was Sarah and I think they called it the 4x4. Whatever it was, it was one gigantic wad of marshmallow and chocolate.

The highlight, though, for me at least, was Disneyland. Disneyland! I hadn't been there in like... a really really long time. And apparently they've shrunk the place. It was definitely about half the size I remembered it being. I don't know how they did it; that Disney guy is a genius. Star Tours and Matterhorn may were my favorite rides -- now that the People Mover has been removed -- but Jungle Tour and the Rockets were close seconds save Beeders crushing my hip with his gangly, non-rocket conforming body. There was a slight drizzle, but it made it refreshing, and there were surprisingly long lines at times, but these were vanquished by our Quick Pass running-man Adam. My only regret was that more people could not have been there to see Moriah and Maya run like the dickens away from the animatronic jaguar in the Jungle Book tree house. Seriously, the dickens people. The dickens.

All in all, mostly good times were had mostly. Which is a success in our family so three cheers for that. Next time perhaps we can all sing Christmas carols in matching wool sweaters. I'll bring the tranquilizers.

Photos of the trip (i.e. us standing in various Disney lines!)