Prosecutors Will Be Violated

Sometimes we need to be protected, and sometimes we need to be protected from ourselves. Thankfully that is where the Vistana apartment management comes in: to ruthlessly wield the iron club of justice on all who would perpetrate wrong doing. Wrong doing in this case defined by a monthly one page handout.

Each month like so many apartment complexes the Vistana provides us with a newsletter of sorts consisting of a few entirely uninteresting articles on entirely random subjects, a couple quotes about nonsense, a recipe for those who get their recipes from newsletters, and an empty calendar for those who need to know when Christmas and Boxing Day are since these are typically the only kind of events that makes it onto the list. Enclosed with our newsletters, however, is frequently another slip of paper. Sometimes white, sometimes pink, suggestive of something fun, fun it is not. No, it is the monthly reminder of things not to do pending criminal prosecution and summary execution. Don't throw boxes down the trash chute! Don't have too many guests over! Don't let others through the parking gate without paying the parking bridge troll! Don't smile unnecessarily or yield the right of way! Don't let your pets! The list goes on and on.

A few days ago, perhaps fearing people were just throwing their silly newsletters away without at least perusing through its pages, they decided to be more direct. I came home to find a note stuck in the corner of my door. With Christmas tree clip art affixed to the bottom corner of it I thought perhaps they were having some sort of holiday social, but no, they were putting us on notice:

Christmas celebrators beware! Security cameras and informants have reported the disposal of Christmas trees in the loading dock trash containers! This is a grievous offense. Anyone caught disposing of trees anywhere in the building will be put to death.

This is of course a rough paraphrase. The actual penalty was specified as "a removal fee" but it turns out this means be put to death.

Don't get me wrong. I have mostly enjoyed my stay at the Vistana so far, by and large, and knowing the general good nature of the office staff I am inclined to believe their threats are mostly bellicose posturing. Nevertheless I fear the clap of storm trooper boots in the hall and often lie awake at night for fear of a knock at the door. I may not live for long, but the struggle to use the pool after 10:00 pm will go on forever!

India Trip: What in the Heck?

FROM 1/12/08:

As expected India has much of the unexpected. The most surprising of which occurred this last night during a concert at the Winter Symposium (a series of cardiology lectures given by various distinguished physicians and PhDs). The singer whose name I can no longer remember was billed as having "the voice of an angel," and he chose to share this heavenly gift by covering a variety of American songs including Green Day, The Police, Bob Marley, and, best of all, Billy Ray Cyrus. All this was done while he hopped and kicked his away across the stage. The audience reviews were mixed and even now I myself am not quite sure what to make of it all, but I will surely not get "Achy Breaky Heart" out of my head anytime soon.

American songs sung with Hindi accents aside, what has also been interesting is the curious head shake many Indians use to communicate. It is basically an abbreviated "no" with less rotation at the neck and more side to side lateral movement of the head. It seems to communicate everything from, "I hear you" to "yes, ok" to "I'm shaking my head though I've clearly not understood a word you just spoke to me." I did not actually notice it myself at first, but after it was pointed out by other students on the trip it became readily obvious as just about everyone seems to do it.

An unfortunate thing that I was not expecting has been the general distaste for making change and the even greater distaste for giving coins in change which is particularly problematic as many of the ATMs give only large impractical to use bills. My ticket may be 41 rupees but they will only grudgingly accept a 50. "Nope. 41 rupees," they'll say. "Give me 1 more rupee." "But I can't, you guys never give me change." "Ok, then give me 45 rupees." "I don't have any 5's either!" Today I believe I said my first words in anger for the trip as, running down to only 500 and 1000 rupee bills, the local minimart clerk refused to cash a 500. I do not understand what the source of this financial problem is, but it does agitate me sometimes. And sometimes a lot.

An at times annoying thing that I was unaware of until arriving has been the fact that the concept of a line does not exist here. Only pushing mobs. It does not matter if you are standing immediately behind someone placing an order for food and the two of you are the only ones in the area. As soon as that person is done ordering another person will come around the corner, immediately thrust themselves forward, stick out some cash, and proceed to place their own order. Unlike the change issue this does not bother me as much as it does others on our trip, but I often wonder what the source of the problem is. Do they not realize we were waiting to order? Do they not care? Is it such a nonissue here that they do not even think to care?

So some other things...

It seems the vast majority of the population does in fact use their left hand to wipe themselves after the restroom. I guess it saves trees. And spreads enteric fever....

It also seems the vast majority of the population uses their hands to eat (though predominately the right for the above reason.) Seeing as much of their diet consists of rice it is a curious sight seeing a man and woman sitting with grains of rice sticking up their forearms. As silverware is often difficult to come by at some restaurants I too have taken to eating with my hands -- which I honestly get a secret joy out of -- but as I am left handed I frequently use it primarily without thinking. I can only wonder what the Indians think of that.

And then there's the trash. The world is India's trash can it seems. Even on the relatively clean and Westernized medical school campus where a few trash cans do exist, people will step outside their place and gingerly throw a plastic cup down onto a heap of debris immediately adjacent to their porch steps. I have given it a fair amount of thought and am yet still at a loss as to why they do this. Is it cultural and just what they have always done? Is it personal and they each just individually do not care? Does trash in huge sums not bother them? Is it because the government does not provide waste disposal? Is it because the Indian people as a nation have other things to worry about? Truthfully I cannot conceive what an India without trash would look like. Even more beautiful I imagine.

Trash and change and hygiene aside, beyond some occasional irking the cultural differences have not troubled me too much. Really such things are surprising only in that I am finally seeing them in practice. The trip by and large continues to be an enjoyable and unique experience. Work yesterday was cancelled for the previously mentioned Winter Symposium thus completing my week of Internal Medicine II. I attended a few of the lectures, but they always seem to be too narrow in scope to be of practical use. Or so it seems to my simple medical student mind. They had a traditional Indian dance presentation on Thursday too, and that was nice. Hopefully I can load a video of that when I return.