Beware Greeks Bearing Gifts

The Air Force giveth and the Air Force taketh away. All for national security reasons no doubt.

Recently I was given the “opportunity” to “be recognized” for all my “hard work” researching by working harder in order to summarize succinctly all said research on a not very conveniently sized laminated poster. This poster would then be displayed briefly in a room somewhere for people to pass by with indifference. For those not so easily persuaded, the best poster presented would earn the presenter a trip to Toronto to the national American College of Physicians (ACP) conference to take place in the spring. Being the eager, young resident that I was I presented my research like a sucker.

And I won. I won the research poster competition, and so qualified for the national ACP conference and, more importantly, a few days off work in order to attend. Or so I thought. It turns out I won nothing of the sort. Unbeknownst to the majority of us it seems there is a clause that if there are heaven forbid too many winners from our program only the power point research presenters actually really “wins.” Truly we were all winners, yes, but the winner that got the prize was not me. In all fairness I only competed against other Air Force medicine programs and so had a roughly thirty-three percent chance of winning just by showing up and affixing my name and a doodle to a 3x5 card – which in restrospect is what I should have done – but I was not too happy. As consolation prize I was given a plaque, a hardy congratulations, and an offer to return to work promptly to resume my prior duties. Those duties being on call. I would have liked going to Toronto and I would have liked not thinking maybe something nice could happen for my efforts, but Canada’s full of lumberjacks and grizzly bears I hear and nothing builds character like profound disappointment so perhaps it's all for the best.

Meanwhile the research train continues. Where else will it take me? I can only wait and dread.

A Series of Poor Decisions

I have made... a series of poor decisions.

I could of had a V-8! *Bonk!*

Anyway.

I decided to pursue some research. Expand some horizons. Advance our collective knowledge. Enter endless amounts of data into an unwieldly sized Excel spreadsheet. It has, unfortunately, like the velociraptors of Jurassic Park, now escaped my control and started opening doors with its razor clawed hands. My research block ended a week ago, and yet I still find myself researching. I will still be researching next block no doubt, and likely researching to my grave. I did not imagine that I would like the whole empirical approach to problem solving -- much preferring the impulsive assertion approach instead -- and the rigorous testing of hypotheses never sounded like much fun to me, but I was curious and so I did it anyway. Mistake! Hours and hours and hours later, and I still have not effectively answered what the risk factors for Clostridium difficile infections in thermal burn patients are. In fact, now knowing how arbitrary the research process is, I am inclined to believe we will never find out. I will have an answer certainly, but that answer will mean beans to me. Plenty to the people who read the research perhaps -- ooh flouroquinolones do lead to C. diff! -- but I will know the secret. Research is madness. Truly it hasn't been that bad, I did get great delight from learning computer shortcuts that made my data gathering more efficient. I like to think I have made "data monkey" into a respectable vocation.

I also decided to assemble my IKEA bed frame a few nights back. At about 2200 hours. Unfortunately it took much longer than the anticipated two and a half hours I expected, and so two days later and some sleeping on the couch I was still assembling the dang thing. I would like to say once assembled, seven or eight hours in total, I had accidentally assembled a magnificent gazebo a la the Simpsons where Homer builds a barn instead of a pool, but all I had in the end was a simple wooden bed frame. With drawers. A simple wooden bed frame with drawers that I now had curiously hostile feelings towards.

And then I decided to use the restroom at work. Upon doing so my pager dumped off my belt and into the toilet. I will leave it up to the imagination what was in said toilet.

Good night ladies and gentleman, you've all been great!