There Are No Puffin in Maine

Puffin are little tiny birds that live in the North Pole and can only be seen by Eskimos. They are also a delicious cereal. They do not, however, despite claims to the contrary, seem to exist in Maine. I had never before considered what it would be to see a puffin in person, and would never before have claimed to have wanted to do so, but then I moved to New Hampshire which apparently is next door to Maine, and that's where I was told puffin hang out, like, all the time. Now I had to see one. Capture and befriend one if possible. Forget moose, there're itty bitty flightless birds up here! They are flightless right? And grant wishes?

That was the plan at least. Kristen and I ventured up to Boothbay Harbor, Maine, this last weekend nominally in search of a charming bed and breakfast, but secretly to abscond with a magical sea parrot. Unfortunately it turns out they only seem to manifest in late spring and early summer in these parts of the planet so we failed. That should come as no great surprise considering puffin are probably as real as the chupacabra -- made up beasts to keep children in line. "Eat your soup or the puffin will get you!" What was perhaps more of a surprise, though, was that there are apparently no people in Maine either. March is still the off season for tourism in the area as it is typically still encased in snow and prowling with blood thirsty snow men, and so the town of Boothbay Harbor is still in the hands of a caretaker government consisting of a pair of snowbirds too old to migrate and a swarthy sea captain who just can't quit the sea. The town was sparsely populated during the day and all but abandoned at night. We could have looted the place at will had we only thought to bring a larger car. Seeing as off season also means cheap season though we went anyway, and it was great.

We stayed at the Welch House Inn, affectionately known, we imagined, as the Wench House Inn by the locals, and it was amazing. For $90 a night we had a beautiful room, a gorgeous view of the harbor, a tasty breakfast, a cozy gas fireplace, and a whirlpool bath. The owner was exceedingly friendly and helpful and made a delicious Gypsy Eggs Benedict which was both the first time I'd eaten Eggs Benedict and the first time I'd eaten gypsy. The whole experience was as I would expect a bed and breakfast experience to be were I to have ever before considered a bed and breakfast. I am not sure any other B&B will be able to compete now; we will forever be bed and breakfast snobs.

Tour guides say Maine is the land of lighthouses and that is true. Just look at our pictures -- they're stacked like dominoes. But Maine is also just as much the land of toll booths and toll ways as it seems you cannot drive on any highway without being asked for a dollar. As a man that prides himself on his supply of quarters he carries (I sometimes have to drive a toll road for work), I was quickly quarterless. Thankfully Kristen had an assortment of loose change scattered throughout her purse and we did not have to resort to offering the contents of my glove compartment in barter. I suspect the majority of the nation’s quarters are currently residing in Maine thanks to their toll booths, and I have a suspicion it is secretly feeding an underground pinball economy. 

Anyways, for those who have not been to Maine here is a summary. It is rocky. There are a lot of lighthouses because of said rocks. People say "wicked" a lot. Oh, and lobster.

Montreal en Lumiere

This last weekend I went to Montreal with Kristen for the annual winter festival. For those not in the know, which is I am guessing everyone south of the Canadian border, Montréal en Lumière is a yearly food and arts fair for those more cultured than myself. This year's theme was Belgium and so they had a variety of expensive Belgian food we largely did not partake in. But we did have Belgian waffles. Sweet, delicious, chocolate filled Belgian waffles. No doubt just like the Belgians make.

Montreal's about a three and a half hour drive from Lebanon, and it's a fairly beautiful one at that. The Northeast Kingdom, a green hilly feudal area I believe run by hobbits, is very picturesque and Southern Quebec though largely flat farmland is punctuated by mountains that emerge periodically from the country side, climb rapidly into the air, and then descend back into the flat plains just as quickly again. You'll have to take my word for this, though, we didn't take any pictures.

But we did take a picture at the border! It was a small crossing and so small in fact that the Canadians did not care to put much in the way of a welcoming banner around it. Just a sign at a largely abandoned rest stop.

Montreal is a beautiful city and Old Montreal is especially so. Although there's a fairly efficient metro system it's perhaps better to walk if the distance is not too far just to see the city. We got in Saturday afternoon and immediately headed for the festival. After redirecting ourselves in the proper direction about twenty minutes later we headed for the festival again. The fair grounds were a collection of random colored lights, plastic domes to keep warm when it got too cold (and which had their own random collections of random colored lights inside but otherwise served no real purpose), a Ferris wheel, bonfires, and a giant ice slide that unfortunately had a two hour wait. It was my only regret.

Things got a little crazy at times like when they played a trippy, psychedelic video short on the wall of one of the nearby buildings, and a little rowdy at times when the Canadians spontaneously broke out into dance during the free concert by a French Canadian band later in the evening. Belgian waffles aside, we also had some poutine which is Quebec's contribution to the culinary world. Seriously, though, I cannot get the video short out of my head. Or my nightmares.

Much of the rest of the city was beautifully lit up as well, and we took pictures of some of it, but you're going to have to use your imagination for the most part. I was told by Kristen that much of it looked like Boston so, you know, if you've been to Boston before it's kind of like that but with more Frenchmen. The next day we tried to go to the biodome, but there was over a one hour wait in way too sweaty a line so we hiked over to the Montreal history museum instead. That's when our camera died, and when we'll say the trip ended. After a very long wait at the border to get back into the US. I'm pretty sure I've smuggled Mexicans across the border in less time than it took to get back into New Hampshire. It's good to know that part of the border is safe, though. From the terrorists and their flannel.

Pictures!