The Gift That Keeps On Giving Till It Kills You 3

The third batch of generously gifted Salt and Straw ice cream was a return to what Salt and Straw does best, making ice cream with the cream. And this month's batch was a "Best Of" box celebrating their epic flavors and crown jewels and something else sounding probably a bit much for an ice cream. There was still an obligatory monthly vegan batch which was pretty good -- and kuddos to them for offering options for those who are lactose- and dairy-intolerant -- but the middling Lemon Cheesecake Crumble aside they were all quality, 7's and above! 

 

- Salted Caramel Cupcake

Me: The cupcake aspect of this remains a mystery to me, but the salted caramel aspect of it inexplicably led me to eat the entire thing the second go after poor, beautiful, darling Liz only had her taster teaser. (I regret nothing).

8.5/10

Liz: I barely got a bite of it, but I don't remember it being very compelling. I hardly remember it. The dough was good?

5/10

- Strawberry Tres Leches

Me: Good. Tasted kind of tres leches-y and kind of strawberry-y and all around was a solid ice cream. I wouldn't write home to the family about it, though.

7/10

Liz: I like the jelly, but I don't like the distribution- just a few big globs and many bites without any at all. The strawberry background is ok, but not exciting.

6/10

- Cinnatopia Cinnamon Bun

Me: Very tasty. Also a bit one note. Like one big cinnamon note. Except for the giant ribbon of molten cinnamon which had a very characteristic blast of cinnamon note. If the ribbon had been distributed a bit better it probably would have added something to the composition, but mostly it was a threatening gel of cinnamon flavor. Though I suppose if you want pure, uncut, super saturated sugar and cinnamon you could always go straight to the source. 

7/10.

Liz: I'd say same as for Strawberry Tres Leches. I could've eaten a bowl of the swirl filling. Somehow an extra hard consistency, had to work to scoop it.

6/10.

- Bacon & Brown Ale

Me: Clearly the best, and not just because I like bacon. In fact, I am not 100% sure I could tell you there was bacon in what I was eating had it not been clearly written on the container. Just something savory and slightly smokey mixed in with the base that itself was also a hard to define delicious. Wouldn't say I was eating a brown ale, but if this is what all brown ale and bacon ice creams taste like I will happily sign up for their mailing list.

9/10    

Liz: (Advisory: although Liz is a vegetarian she is also an extreme ice creamatarian and is known to recklessly tear into ice creams without caution or, apparently, bothering to read their labels.) Good flavor. (See! She won't even acknowledge her disturbing bacon eating behavior!)

3/10 (-5 for bacon)

- Lemon Cheesecake Crumble (vegan)

Me: Probably the best vegan ice cream I've eaten so far which makes it a solidly middling regular ice cream. Given the coconut non-dairy base it would be better titled Lemon Coconut Cheesecake Crumble. The crumble component wasn't particularly memorable -- I'd actually forgotten about it till I looked at the label again -- but, sure, it was tasty too.

6/10

Liz: Tastes like coconut.

2/10

 

Update: to all parties concerned about the fate of our middling vegan ice creams it just so turns out we have some vegan friends that just can't get enough of this stuff. Truly the gift that keeps on giving!

The Gift That Keeps On Giving Till It Kills You 2

The second batch of generously gifted Salt and Straw ice cream was not ice cream. Maybe it was in the same sense that there are a number of commercially available milks for sale these days that at no point in their production involve an actual milkable mammal, but not in the sense that it was tasty in the way real ice cream is, which, I think could be safely argued, is the entire point and sole reason for ice cream. It was all vegan made without the assistance of dairy or any other animal affiliated product. I'm generally anti-vegan ice cream because of a history of trying crummy vegan ice creams, and in that sense this batch did not disappoint. Overall they were actually better than I anticipated, but in the end only marginally so. There was one flavor that was surprisingly good, but unfortunately not surprisingly good enough to be worthy of the title "ice cream."

 

- Peanut Strawberry Crumble (vegan)

Me: Why pair peanuts with strawberries? Has anyone ever asked for this?

Pass

Liz: Couldn't taste any strawberry. Peanut flavor was ok.  

3/10

- Banana Avocado Sorbet (vegan)

Me: Tasted like baby food. Excuse me, baby food that was frozen and sold as dessert.

2/10

Liz: Kind of just bland. No tartness or sweetness or anything.

2/10

- Bourbon & Caramelized Honeycomb (vegan)

Me:Surprisingly good. Enjoyable "honeycomb" flavor, and, sure, I can believe something like bourbon in it. Still a bit grainy-textured like most vegan "ice cream," but I will admit I had it a second time. Not a third time, though.

6/10.

Liz: I remember it was ok, but just not as good as dairy ice cream.

4/10.

- Coconut Rice Pudding (vegan)

Me: Like an icey grainy dessert I'd get at a Thai restaurant. Not bad per se, but not something I'd order. Except when at a Thai restaurant choosing amongst a handful of desserts I'm feeling generally ambivalent about.

5/10    

Liz: Don't remember it.

?/10

- Chocolate Hazelnut Cookies & Cream (vegan)

Me: I vaguely remember thinking, "well this isn't as disappointing as I was worried it would be."

4.5/10

Liz: <had given up by this point.>

Pass

Uhoh!

Two weeks ago my parents came for a visit. Just a few days ago they left. I'm still finding random objects left behind. Whether to call them gifts or not varies depending on the object. Today's gift: two umbrellas in my closet! Awesome, I've been needing an umbrella for oh... about four months now? The black and white checkered dress shirt distinctly suggestive of a picnic table cloth on the other hand I thought I had disposed of before they left.

Their visit though somewhat lengthy by the standard of most visits to small town, middle of nowhere, went surprisingly well. There was the requisite major family argument about whether or not the October Nor'easter was going to end life as we knew it on the Eastern seaboard or not, but that aside it was a remarkably pleasant two weeks. Much of it was spent watching a great if not eventually disappointing World Series or making trips back and forth from Price Chopper with various things to stick in my fridge. Such as a six pack of Romaine lettuce heads which I will hold onto until the gigantic-salad-composed-of-nothing-but-lettuce craving kicks in. And when it does I will have two different flavors of salad dressing to chose from. Or A1 steak sauce. Or Worcestershire sauce.Or an industrial sized bottle of ketchup.

The rest of the trip was divided amongst road trips to Woodstock, VT; Burlington, VT; and Seacoast, NH. The only one of these worthy of note was the last as it was both scenic and complete with a trip to Markey's Lobster Pound where my parents reminisced about their prior visit some twenty years before by eating the largest lobsters they could find. My dad even somehow managed to come away with some vintage postcards from the time of their visit and a coastal New England restaurant guide all complements of Mr Markey who they chatted up as they are want to do. Woodstock and Burlington on the other hand, are worthy places to visit only if you have no other places worthy to visit.

Other highlights of the trip include my mom cleaning my apartment to a level of cleanliness it will likely never see again; my dad bumping, kicking, and karate chopping my coffee table sufficiently till one of the wooden rails broke off; and an early Christmas present consisting of a huge, new, flat screen television complete with swanky new stand which I am still not entirely sure what to make of. I think overall they had a pretty good time; I know for the most part I did. And I hope to eventually one day stop finding new bath towels in my cupboards, closets, and washing machine. Until then I gotta find a way to dispose of a dozen bagels and a half dozen apples before they go bad. Someone may be getting a pretty unique gift basket in the next few days here.

Christmas Present Apraxia

Although I am still fully in possession of all my faculties and still have complete control, it would appear, over my senses and motor function, it seems I just cannot wrap a good Christmas present. Despite some 26 years of practice now -- yes I started wrapping gifts just 5 months after birth -- my wrapping skills have improved only marginally, producing most recently this monstrosity:



The fact that the corners are not crisp, there is an overabundance of tape, the flap lengths are all uneven, and that I did not even cut enough paper for the whole project and so had to graft on not one but two extra appendages of wrapping paper are only partially disguised by my not so clever use of bows, poor lighting, and unusual construction patterns. Indeed this is the one skill I have picked up over the years. How to wrap presents so clumsily that it appears as if on purpose. Such a secret is what keeps our nation's postmodern artists fed, and it works for me. Occasionally, though, namely when the gifts are large and square, I do succeed in finishing a presentable product:



Not bad, huh? But then I go and produce something like this:



The wrapping job's ok, but I definitely had to resort to sticky notes as improvised gift tags. And as I ran out of scotch tape I had to resort to staples. Sarah's gift is now securely fastened to her shipping material. Actually I lie about the tape -- it's the one thing I do make sure I have an abundance of. And bows!:


Beautiful! I really don't know how I have failed to get better at this -- perhaps I simply just don't practice enough -- we need Christmas at least three times a year! -- but I have. Although it should simply be a matter of roughly measuring size, slowly cutting smooth lines, appropriately folding corners neatly, and taping conservatively in key areas, I cannot quite pick it up. I even managed to cut myself at one point with the x-acto knife -- someone will get a little extra love and blood with their present this year -- and I am still not entirely sure when or how. Whatever the case, Christmas wrapping makes me merry and my general lack of skills aside I am happy for the time being.

Next up: Christmas trees and Christmas lights. Let's pretend I don't have the ICU coming up in three days!