T-0! Forever and Ever I do

Finally! Wedding time!

With her head cocked back and her arm outstretched Liz stepped out onto the top of the iron staircase leading down to the first floor of the Stone House patio. [Unfortunately we can't share that moment with you, because it was captured by neither video nor photo. I don't even know if people saw it because the DJ started my music cue while all eyes were still on Butternut giving the rings to Kendall at the alter. Maybe it never happened at all]. She grabbed her dad's hand, and made her way down to the ceremony [carefully- in poorly fitted heels on a steep twisting staircase] waiting for her below where she was joined by her mom, the three of them making the final steps to the wedding arch where we would be married [and realizing on the way that parts of the path were only wide enough for 2 people, which was awkward]. It was like much the rest of the wedding would be, a detail laden combination of highly choreographed theater [was it?] and Doctor Horrible's sing along blog. Traditional wedding beauty and personal, touching quirkiness. The following is a brief summary of ceremony events:

Wedding Processional Song- "Somebody to Love" by Queen

[I timed out the entrances of all members of the wedding party to the Queen song to ensure even pacing and logical use of musical cues. The main goal was to have Scooter emerge at the climax of the song. The coordinator was totally unmoored by the plan, and it didn't help that we couldn't practice it in rehearsal because I hadn't brought the right edited version of the song. It didn't quite go to plan during the wedding, but at least Scooter made his cue. Hopefully at least one person noticed.] {As a counter comment, all that mattered was I depart at the right moment, which was easy, and everyone else depart in a relatively spaced out manner, which was relatively easy. Perfection, if possible, would have been wasted effort.}

Bride Processional Song - "Be My Baby" by the Ronette's.

Opening Remarks - Kendall, our officiant, opened with a good lawyer joke as any lawyer should, followed by the usual introductory remarks and a passage from the Supreme Court marriage equality case on a more secular meaning of marriage. Lest things get too technical, this was followed by a retrieval of the rings from the Ring Beagle for a communal ring warming. Thankfully, everyone loves a Ring Beagle. [At some point, Sara reminded me not to lock my knees... wise words.]

Readings - My sister Heidi read a passage from Winnie the Pooh and my sister Tammy read the lyrics of "The Book of Love" by the Magnetic Fields. They were about as well received as any wedding reading is.

The day before the wedding, Liz found a three-pack of rainbow unicorn notebooks to serve as written sources for our readings and vows. 

Chemistry Unity Ceremony - Liz and I collectively think unity ceremonies are a bit dumb. Why does anyone need to waste five minutes of everyone's time to symbolize what everyone clearly understands to be happening with a boring candle that doesn't even explode in the end? We were both convinced otherwise, however, when we realized we could use the opportunity to make something explode or, given the lack of available eye protection, at least foamy and frothy. Our more controlled soap bubble explosion was the "elephant toothpaste" chemical reaction (NaI + H2O2 + dish soap) which, although it didn't have quite the kick it had in earlier practice sessions, steamed and fumed nicely. Thankfully everyone loves a good foam explosion.

[There was back-and-forth in the weeks leading up to the wedding about the feasibility of a potentially messy ceremony display. I was worried about getting iodine and food coloring on the venue's nice stone patio or on people's fancy clothes. To make a long story short, we decided to proceed but set up a table with a shower curtain to contain the overflow. I thought we would do the display off to the side so if there was spillage, we could move away from it, back to the arbor to continue to ceremony. I was surprised when Ro and Adam picked up the table and moved it right over to the arbor (surprised is not something I wanted to be during the ceremony). What if the ground got dyed foam in the place where my expensive white ground-dwelling train was supposed to be? I was hugely relieved when the foam extended to the edges of the table and then obediently stopped expanding.]

Vows -  After a quick farkle [or, as 99% of us call it, Ro-Sham-Bo -- the traditional way of determining vow order], we delivered our views. Arguably the most important part of the wedding aside from the legally binding "I do"s, we both decided to hand write our vows in the week or so prior to the wedding. I generally find I deliver lectures better when I familiarize myself well with the material and speak off the cuff more than reading from a script. Unfortunately this wasn't like delivering a lecture, and I stuttered and flubbed and choked up just a bit [I didn't notice the flubs]. 😅 Liz, perhaps knowing better, read directly from her notes and delivered a clearly articulated series of vows like a true wedding professional. 😎 Mine started with a reference to the deficiencies I witnessed in other relationships as a younger man, followed by a commitment to always be grateful for Liz and to never take her or our relationship for granted, while Liz touched on various defining moments in our relationship which helped solidify her belief that I was the one she would spend the rest of her life with. As official texts of The Greatest Wedding Ever, local anthropologists requested the words be preserved for future generations. They were thus forever bound in unicorn emblazoned, rainbow colored note pads consistent with current practices.

Another Reading - Shadi shared a quick amusing comment from Willy Wonka which, like all wedding readings, was tolerated.

Marriage License Signing - Liz really wanted to incorporate the signing of the marriage license by our officiant and two witnesses (our mothers). Although I thought it may crowd the ceremony some, I consented because I love her, she is wonderful, and because we used Europe's "The Final Countdown" to transition to the signing. [I wanted our ceremony to be grounded in the practical, not just the fluffy and sentimental. This is a legally binding contract, people.] Plus Liz also rainbow glitter duct taped every surface of the clipboard and razzle dazzled the pens with peacock feathers. Thankfully everyone loves a rainbow glitter taped, peacock feather pen?

Declaration of Intent, Rings, and Kiss - These all went about as you would expect them to. Fantastic. 😄

T-9 Hours: 300 Pounds of Fabric

The Stone House, our wedding venue, is lovely. It is also, however, being a recently refurbished stone and wood structure, a little drab. Since gray, brown, and slate weren't our wedding colors it needed a bit of sprucing up. Since poppy, fiesta, and mango instead were our colors, it required quite a bit of sprucing up. This was accomplished primarily through pounds and pounds of technicolor fabric, most of which was all then conjoined together. Here's a list of some of our more prominent decorative items:

Garlands - I think this was initially supposed to just be one strand of our three primary colors of reasonable length. By the time all was said and done it had morphed into three strands of a gradually transitioning three-color-ombre approximately forty feet long a piece. Although I have no idea how the objective changed so much, the result of mission creep was in the end my favorite part of the decor. Most importantly the federal cat inspector, Lettuce, gave it her paws up of approval after multiple rounds of inspection. (As an aside, I am grateful we were able to get the garlands inspected in Sacramento as the Davis cat inspector, our own Planty, typically insists on multiple taste tests. Pagey and Dorian Gray were happy just to sit on it.)

[So, we originally thought the fabric garland would be a cheaper alternative to floral aisle decor. In the end, after multiple fabric shopping trips and dozens of hours, mostly by my mom, cutting strips of fabric, removing strings, and tying the fabric to the garland... nope. It took more money and time than anticipated. We used 16 shades of Kona cotton solid colors as the base, and then added 1-3 "fancy" fabric (shiny, glittery, tulle, satin, chiffon, organza, etc.) for each base color. They turned out gorgeous, but we're not entirely sure what to do with them now.

There was one strand on each side of the aisle, and the third strand was a late addition and a different style. See, the venue originally told me that the patio would be modified so that the parking lot would not be visible, but it soon became clear that they were done modifying and the parking lot was very visible, which greatly displeased me. I started brainstorming visual barriers, which was a challenging and long process with false starts, but in the end we went for draped canvas and, at my mom's urging, another fabric garland with long hanging strips. This created even more work but helped us plug an unsightly gap on the patio and looks great in photos. Also my coworkers enjoyed playing in it.]

Lights - Next to the garlands -- and of course the floral arrangements -- the additional lighting we installed and arranged for the reception were probably the next biggest investment of time and effort. Every pillar, arch, unadorned wall, and sleeping hobo had to have some sort of illumination attached. This was in part due to the fact that bottom floor of the Stone House is usually a dance floor with limited baseline illumination, but also because fairy lights make everything better [and it worked]. We would have light wrapped the Ring Beagle too, but she has a penchant for eating small plastic objects and emergency room visits for swallowed batteries was not written into the wedding program.

Vetrap Gauze - Every table needs stuff put on it -- this is why potpourri exists -- and in the case of weddings, it's table runners and candles the table gods demand. The tables at the Stone House were actually a beautiful natural wood which we really wanted to leave largely unadorned, but nevertheless sacrifices were called for, so sacrifices were made [well, Scooter doesn't realize that table runners and candles are wedding imperatives... but the beautiful wood spared us from needing tableclothes, hallelujah]. Given our science-y / medicine-y / campy-y theme we went with white and brown gauze for table runners and vetrap bows for votive candles. The gauze was complicated a bit by the fact that it turns out gauze manufacturers don't invest a great deal of effort in being consistent with their colors and the vetrap was similarly complicated due to limitations in selection and supply. Like so many of the minor details in decor, though, I'm sure few people noticed, and of those that noticed fewer cared, and of those that cared fewer remember today. And to those remaining few who noticed, cared, and still remember, well thank you for thinking so much about our wedding!

Jello Petri Dishes - Pretty much as they sound. Petri dishes full of jello. Not jello shots 'cause that's just silly, and not Penicillium, 'cause we couldn't find any. Color titration complements of Liz's mom.

Photo Booth - What does one do with over forty feet of multicolored cloth garland? Well, you repurpose it for a photo booth of course. Since photo booths are inexplicably expensive and we had veteran photo booth industrialists in the family, we were able to have others do it on the cheap. The perfect way. Space was limited, though, so in the end the booth got stuck in an awkward corner in the bar. This was further complicated by a somewhat lengthy distance between the camera itself and the video monitor people used to take the photos, and perhaps a bit too much wine on some individuals' parts, such that the picture quality wasn't always great. But, hey, it was one of the few things that didn't go over budget. And that's even counting the 24 karat gold-plated PVC pipes holding the whole structure up.