T+100ish Hours: Denouement

After the wedding was, apparently, the picking up of the wedding. Thankfully the Stone House allowed us to complete the majority of this the following morning. It still took a few hours to pack almost as much stuff into our vehicle as we had brought up with us, and another hour and a half to get it all back home. Over the next few weeks we divided our supplies into giveaway, toss, and keep. We managed to reduce a carload of boxes to one small box of wedding keepsakes. And, then, like that we were married.

It went by quick. Although enjoyable, celebratory, and fun it also felt a bit like we were putting on a show. In that sense there was a certain relief to having completed the program the following day, and this feeling combined with the subtle elation of being newlyweds and the fatigued disappointment of maybe having, perhaps inevitably, been so busy we missed out on some of the fun, to create an odd mishmash of feelings. None too strong, and still on the whole superseded by happiness, but nevertheless complicated. A quick transition to a honeymoon could have perhaps returned the feeling of the enterprise to a higher note, but unfortunately our dear Dorian's health declined significantly after our return and we had to put him down just a few days later thus delaying our trip to the Yukon. It was the right decision, though, given our limited time with him, and honeymoons can always wait. There's an excitement to be had in the anticipation anyway. Regardless, the wedding was over, we both had new rings, and, honestly, the only thing that felt substantially different when it was over was a new sense of permanence. A peaceful, enjoyable, serene sense that Liz and I, previously together indefinitely would now be together forever. At least until one of us is eaten by cats.

T+1.5 Hours: First Dances & Fiesta

I danced with my mom to Rascal Flatt's "My Wish" in an act of great love and personal sacrifice.

Liz danced with her dad to Neil Young's "Heart of Gold" in a slow moving, but elegant nightclub two-step.

Liz and I danced together to Depeche Mode's "Just Can't Get Enough" in fun, but slightly clunky fashion thanks to Liz's long dress and my robot-like dance moves. The real winners, though, were the three foot long sparklers which provided us with a flaming white circle which to dance in and gave our introductory song "Danger, High Voltage" by Electric Six the relevance it needed to be included in our musical lineup. The sparklers also took some pressure off us, since most guests were completely mesmerized by fire (especially when one of Liz's cousins tried to fashion a combo super-sparkler and instead rendered a torch) and unaware of our performance.

Danger! Danger! High voltage!

Alright it's really friggin' cold out here. Every back inside for some cake smashing, err cutting.

The reception itself went fairly well. The up lights were thankfully changed from their initial rainbow color palette to the requested amber which looked great. The food was enjoyed by most although we heard unsubstantiated reports after the fact that the fish and veggie dishes didn't delight universally. And the dessert options were fabulous with the definite exception of their cutting -- I think Luccah could have cut the cake with more intelligence than the Stone House staff who basically cut the edges off the lower levels of the cake until an inaccessible three-tiered cake cylinder remained -- and the possible exception of the middle passion fruit layer which was a tad dry. Adam, Ashlee, Sara, Dave, John, Jinnie, and my dad all gave toasts of some sort, and although Liz's dad's toast included a fair amount of revisionist history they were all heartfelt and well received. Unfortunately only a small portion of Sara's toast made it onto film. An interactive wedding quiz was bravely put on by Moriah and Gabby, but they didn't have quite enough stage presence to quiet the crowds and our crowds didn't have quite enough consideration to quiet themselves. So, all in all, not the perfect reception, but, all in all, still a great experience I will always happily look back on.

 Because, well, cat butts...

T+30 Mins: Time for a Petting Zoo!

I'm a fairly easy to please guy. A wedding is enough when a wedding is planned. As long as there's cake and a donut castle. :) Liz, on the other hand, is a woman of far greater vision. She is a woman of imagination. Inspiration! Perspiration! She is a woman who knew what she wanted for her wedding, eventually, and what she wanted was goats. So goats we had. As the clock struck 5:30 and we recessioned out to the back of the venue, the goats processioned in. Along with their friends the chickens, the bunnies, the sheep, the miniature horse, and Lenny the llama. Accompanied by a generous supply of handlers, they initially congregated in the parking lot before we were able to usher them in to a section on the back of the patio, where they then proceeded to be adorable for an hour. Only down side? Hard to get people to take family photos when all they wanna do is take animal photos.

 

 

T-0! Forever and Ever I do

Finally! Wedding time!

With her head cocked back and her arm outstretched Liz stepped out onto the top of the iron staircase leading down to the first floor of the Stone House patio. [Unfortunately we can't share that moment with you, because it was captured by neither video nor photo. I don't even know if people saw it because the DJ started my music cue while all eyes were still on Butternut giving the rings to Kendall at the alter. Maybe it never happened at all]. She grabbed her dad's hand, and made her way down to the ceremony [carefully- in poorly fitted heels on a steep twisting staircase] waiting for her below where she was joined by her mom, the three of them making the final steps to the wedding arch where we would be married [and realizing on the way that parts of the path were only wide enough for 2 people, which was awkward]. It was like much the rest of the wedding would be, a detail laden combination of highly choreographed theater [was it?] and Doctor Horrible's sing along blog. Traditional wedding beauty and personal, touching quirkiness. The following is a brief summary of ceremony events:

Wedding Processional Song- "Somebody to Love" by Queen

[I timed out the entrances of all members of the wedding party to the Queen song to ensure even pacing and logical use of musical cues. The main goal was to have Scooter emerge at the climax of the song. The coordinator was totally unmoored by the plan, and it didn't help that we couldn't practice it in rehearsal because I hadn't brought the right edited version of the song. It didn't quite go to plan during the wedding, but at least Scooter made his cue. Hopefully at least one person noticed.] {As a counter comment, all that mattered was I depart at the right moment, which was easy, and everyone else depart in a relatively spaced out manner, which was relatively easy. Perfection, if possible, would have been wasted effort.}

Bride Processional Song - "Be My Baby" by the Ronette's.

Opening Remarks - Kendall, our officiant, opened with a good lawyer joke as any lawyer should, followed by the usual introductory remarks and a passage from the Supreme Court marriage equality case on a more secular meaning of marriage. Lest things get too technical, this was followed by a retrieval of the rings from the Ring Beagle for a communal ring warming. Thankfully, everyone loves a Ring Beagle. [At some point, Sara reminded me not to lock my knees... wise words.]

Readings - My sister Heidi read a passage from Winnie the Pooh and my sister Tammy read the lyrics of "The Book of Love" by the Magnetic Fields. They were about as well received as any wedding reading is.

The day before the wedding, Liz found a three-pack of rainbow unicorn notebooks to serve as written sources for our readings and vows. 

Chemistry Unity Ceremony - Liz and I collectively think unity ceremonies are a bit dumb. Why does anyone need to waste five minutes of everyone's time to symbolize what everyone clearly understands to be happening with a boring candle that doesn't even explode in the end? We were both convinced otherwise, however, when we realized we could use the opportunity to make something explode or, given the lack of available eye protection, at least foamy and frothy. Our more controlled soap bubble explosion was the "elephant toothpaste" chemical reaction (NaI + H2O2 + dish soap) which, although it didn't have quite the kick it had in earlier practice sessions, steamed and fumed nicely. Thankfully everyone loves a good foam explosion.

[There was back-and-forth in the weeks leading up to the wedding about the feasibility of a potentially messy ceremony display. I was worried about getting iodine and food coloring on the venue's nice stone patio or on people's fancy clothes. To make a long story short, we decided to proceed but set up a table with a shower curtain to contain the overflow. I thought we would do the display off to the side so if there was spillage, we could move away from it, back to the arbor to continue to ceremony. I was surprised when Ro and Adam picked up the table and moved it right over to the arbor (surprised is not something I wanted to be during the ceremony). What if the ground got dyed foam in the place where my expensive white ground-dwelling train was supposed to be? I was hugely relieved when the foam extended to the edges of the table and then obediently stopped expanding.]

Vows -  After a quick farkle [or, as 99% of us call it, Ro-Sham-Bo -- the traditional way of determining vow order], we delivered our views. Arguably the most important part of the wedding aside from the legally binding "I do"s, we both decided to hand write our vows in the week or so prior to the wedding. I generally find I deliver lectures better when I familiarize myself well with the material and speak off the cuff more than reading from a script. Unfortunately this wasn't like delivering a lecture, and I stuttered and flubbed and choked up just a bit [I didn't notice the flubs]. 😅 Liz, perhaps knowing better, read directly from her notes and delivered a clearly articulated series of vows like a true wedding professional. 😎 Mine started with a reference to the deficiencies I witnessed in other relationships as a younger man, followed by a commitment to always be grateful for Liz and to never take her or our relationship for granted, while Liz touched on various defining moments in our relationship which helped solidify her belief that I was the one she would spend the rest of her life with. As official texts of The Greatest Wedding Ever, local anthropologists requested the words be preserved for future generations. They were thus forever bound in unicorn emblazoned, rainbow colored note pads consistent with current practices.

Another Reading - Shadi shared a quick amusing comment from Willy Wonka which, like all wedding readings, was tolerated.

Marriage License Signing - Liz really wanted to incorporate the signing of the marriage license by our officiant and two witnesses (our mothers). Although I thought it may crowd the ceremony some, I consented because I love her, she is wonderful, and because we used Europe's "The Final Countdown" to transition to the signing. [I wanted our ceremony to be grounded in the practical, not just the fluffy and sentimental. This is a legally binding contract, people.] Plus Liz also rainbow glitter duct taped every surface of the clipboard and razzle dazzled the pens with peacock feathers. Thankfully everyone loves a rainbow glitter taped, peacock feather pen?

Declaration of Intent, Rings, and Kiss - These all went about as you would expect them to. Fantastic. 😄

T-15 Minutes: Hiding in the Cactus Cave

I'm not sure what you are supposed to feel right before you get married. Given the wedding party and I were huddled in a dark cave adjacent to the ceremony site, secretly sequestered away, I'm not even sure what I did feel was what *is* commonly felt. Nevertheless I felt excited. Happy. Ready to do this thing. I felt a little anxious too, but only in as much as I worried I would mess up my part of the performance (I did later flub my vows... 😅). I was in a beautiful place with my friends and family who loved me, about to commit myself to a lifetime with my best friend. I cannot recall any chilly feet or burgeoning second thoughts. Perhaps I just lack introspection or appreciation of the tasks ahead to keep a long term relationship flourishing. Perhaps I was just too excited about that donut castle. But if uncertainty or any of those feelings are at all a part of  the normal spectrum of feeling before marriage they are not feelings I felt. Waiting for Queen's "Somebody to Love" to start playing, waiting for my cue, I mostly just felt like I wanted to get the ceremony over with. Say the magic words, marry my bride, and enjoy the party the best that I could as someone responsible for hosting said party. Then, finally, after the dramatic crescendo concluded with an equally dramatic drum strike I, along with my parents, began my walk towards forever.

To infinity and beyond!

[I was stationed at the top of the stairs with my dad, behind a corner. I had 15 minutes to wait up there and nothing to do except think about the nerves. As soon as I took my post, I felt rumbling in my bowels and hoped I could make it through the ceremony without making a dramatic run to the bathroom. I wanted so badly to sneak peeks at what was going on below, but my coordinator signaled to me to get out of view. I resented some of the DJ's song choices (any song I hadn't pre-selected) but had no way of communicating to her. Maybe I should've brought a crossword.]

We thought it best to wait in the cave until it was clear the crowd wasn't hostile.

T-5 Hours: Cake vs Cake

Ever since cro-magnon man married the first neanderthal lady, there have been wedding cakes and for almost as long, there has been a groom's cake to accompany the main cake designed primarily by the bride. [Yet somehow, I never heard of nor saw a groom's cake until planning this wedding.] Never ones to pass on more cake, Liz and I of course had both.

The wedding cake was an impressive construction unto itself, composed of three tiered layers of different flavors mixed with difference fillings. The top layer consisted of chocolate cake complemented by a peanut butter ganache, the middle layer was a simple yellow cake with a passion fruit and lime zest, and the bottom layer was another layer of chocolate with raspberry filling. The entire cake was frosted with the world's most delicious almond buttercream colored in a vibrant red-orange-yellow ombre pattern. And just because that still wasn't enough, a cascading fall of vanilla mermaid nguyens adorned one side. Of course the piece de resistance was the cake toppers: two cute little felted sloths decked out in their wedding best. They unfortunately, or fortunately, were the only part of the cake not edible though Planty and Butternut may have thoughts otherwise.

[You better believe that every aspect of this cake has a backstory. We browsed cake toppers for ages, debating which style, which animal, or maybe little people figurines in track suits, okay sloths, which felt artist would make the best sloth, and then had to send back our sloth because the original hat looked too silly. I made a waterproof butt protector (with more rainbow duct tape) so that the sloths could keep their felty furry books clean of frosting, so they could have a second life in our display case at home. One of my earliest cake decisions was that I wanted a cascading element, and I was into the idea of a cascading vertebral column. Scooter was lukewarm at best about this idea, and I couldn't really figure out how to work it, so I later changed it to the much cheaper, simpler merengue cascade. I informed the baker, who requested that we provide the merengues (?), so we bought some at Trader Joe's and dropped them off on our way to Nevada City. Then, the baker got cold feet about the merengues and thought they wouldn't look good, so she didn't place them, and told the coordinator to double check with me and if I actually wanted them, she would come back and place them. The coordinator checked with me, I asked her to ask the baker to get her butt back to place the merengues, and they looked totally perfect.]

The groom's cake was in the end not a cake at all, but a donut castle. Initially conceived to be a donut pile, it was quickly upgraded into a more proper donut tower before evolving into its final, more grandiose, form of imperial donut fortification. [There were many aspects of wedding planning that elicited great indifference from Scooter. The donut pile was the element he felt great passion for, so I encouraged him to follow his heart, hoping the passion would spill over into decisions about table settings and dinner music and aisle decor.] It was constructed out a variety of donuts followed by a few replacement donuts [thank you, Best Woman] after the wedding work crew ate a few -- a crime for which they are still awaiting trial. The final construction of cake, yeast, and bar donuts was further accented by a generous addition of red, orange, and yellow pennants crafted with the help of family [and balls of string derived from the fabric garland -- I knew they were worth keeping, but their final disposition as castle ramparts was a last-minute decision]. The donut castle stood in full majesty for about three hours before being devoured to its crumb cake donut foundations. Eyewitnesses blame the Huns.
 

My crowning achievement as an accomplished donut architect.

 

Almost as beautiful as delicious.

Me and Liz.

T-9 Hours: 300 Pounds of Fabric

The Stone House, our wedding venue, is lovely. It is also, however, being a recently refurbished stone and wood structure, a little drab. Since gray, brown, and slate weren't our wedding colors it needed a bit of sprucing up. Since poppy, fiesta, and mango instead were our colors, it required quite a bit of sprucing up. This was accomplished primarily through pounds and pounds of technicolor fabric, most of which was all then conjoined together. Here's a list of some of our more prominent decorative items:

Garlands - I think this was initially supposed to just be one strand of our three primary colors of reasonable length. By the time all was said and done it had morphed into three strands of a gradually transitioning three-color-ombre approximately forty feet long a piece. Although I have no idea how the objective changed so much, the result of mission creep was in the end my favorite part of the decor. Most importantly the federal cat inspector, Lettuce, gave it her paws up of approval after multiple rounds of inspection. (As an aside, I am grateful we were able to get the garlands inspected in Sacramento as the Davis cat inspector, our own Planty, typically insists on multiple taste tests. Pagey and Dorian Gray were happy just to sit on it.)

[So, we originally thought the fabric garland would be a cheaper alternative to floral aisle decor. In the end, after multiple fabric shopping trips and dozens of hours, mostly by my mom, cutting strips of fabric, removing strings, and tying the fabric to the garland... nope. It took more money and time than anticipated. We used 16 shades of Kona cotton solid colors as the base, and then added 1-3 "fancy" fabric (shiny, glittery, tulle, satin, chiffon, organza, etc.) for each base color. They turned out gorgeous, but we're not entirely sure what to do with them now.

There was one strand on each side of the aisle, and the third strand was a late addition and a different style. See, the venue originally told me that the patio would be modified so that the parking lot would not be visible, but it soon became clear that they were done modifying and the parking lot was very visible, which greatly displeased me. I started brainstorming visual barriers, which was a challenging and long process with false starts, but in the end we went for draped canvas and, at my mom's urging, another fabric garland with long hanging strips. This created even more work but helped us plug an unsightly gap on the patio and looks great in photos. Also my coworkers enjoyed playing in it.]

Lights - Next to the garlands -- and of course the floral arrangements -- the additional lighting we installed and arranged for the reception were probably the next biggest investment of time and effort. Every pillar, arch, unadorned wall, and sleeping hobo had to have some sort of illumination attached. This was in part due to the fact that bottom floor of the Stone House is usually a dance floor with limited baseline illumination, but also because fairy lights make everything better [and it worked]. We would have light wrapped the Ring Beagle too, but she has a penchant for eating small plastic objects and emergency room visits for swallowed batteries was not written into the wedding program.

Vetrap Gauze - Every table needs stuff put on it -- this is why potpourri exists -- and in the case of weddings, it's table runners and candles the table gods demand. The tables at the Stone House were actually a beautiful natural wood which we really wanted to leave largely unadorned, but nevertheless sacrifices were called for, so sacrifices were made [well, Scooter doesn't realize that table runners and candles are wedding imperatives... but the beautiful wood spared us from needing tableclothes, hallelujah]. Given our science-y / medicine-y / campy-y theme we went with white and brown gauze for table runners and vetrap bows for votive candles. The gauze was complicated a bit by the fact that it turns out gauze manufacturers don't invest a great deal of effort in being consistent with their colors and the vetrap was similarly complicated due to limitations in selection and supply. Like so many of the minor details in decor, though, I'm sure few people noticed, and of those that noticed fewer cared, and of those that cared fewer remember today. And to those remaining few who noticed, cared, and still remember, well thank you for thinking so much about our wedding!

Jello Petri Dishes - Pretty much as they sound. Petri dishes full of jello. Not jello shots 'cause that's just silly, and not Penicillium, 'cause we couldn't find any. Color titration complements of Liz's mom.

Photo Booth - What does one do with over forty feet of multicolored cloth garland? Well, you repurpose it for a photo booth of course. Since photo booths are inexplicably expensive and we had veteran photo booth industrialists in the family, we were able to have others do it on the cheap. The perfect way. Space was limited, though, so in the end the booth got stuck in an awkward corner in the bar. This was further complicated by a somewhat lengthy distance between the camera itself and the video monitor people used to take the photos, and perhaps a bit too much wine on some individuals' parts, such that the picture quality wasn't always great. But, hey, it was one of the few things that didn't go over budget. And that's even counting the 24 karat gold-plated PVC pipes holding the whole structure up.

T-20 Hours: Flowers for Hours

Flowers, flowers, flowers. Any good wedding has a bride's weight worth of flowers, and our wedding was nothing if not a good wedding. Being a Pizza Inferno wedding, however, we had to take it to the next level. Gold plated flowers! Flowers on fire! Flowers that shoot laser beams from their stamens! Flowers don't weigh very much, though, and even a slender bride's worth of floral arrangements can start to add up cash wise. The solution? As with everything wedding-wise, DIY. And by DIY we of course mean have friends and family do it. 😁 Thankfully we had an excellent flower supplier, Maisie from Soil Sisters, who sold us buckets and buckets of freshly picked blooms straight from their farm just a few miles outside of town; an excellent work crew of poorly paid Keeneys, Shadi, Crabtrees, McCormics, and Jenkins; and an even bajillion pieces of refurbished scientific glassware to serve as vases acquired from a no-questions-asked second hand science warehouse in Sacramento.

The final result of our collective labors, including buying a sorting the glassware, sanding the glassware, transporting the glassware, and finally filling the glassware with flowers, was a beautiful bunch of floral arrangements that might I say made for a very fine wedding.

Including some gorgeous bouquets and boutonnieres (actually made by Maisie):

A lovely garland of marigolds to adorn our birch tree wedding arch:
[arbor and garlands assembled by Jenkins... arbor provided by us. We brought a ton of stuff to that patio.]

Beakers and flasks of flowers out the wazoo:

Test tubes of buds out the ying yang:

And a few choice centerpieces:

In a perfect wedding world, which does not exist, there would perhaps have been some fern fronds and fiddleheads thrown into the mix, but, personally, I think this was more than good enough.

[Flowers are one of the few, maybe the only, aspect of the wedding with which I am fully satisfied and would not change a thing. Except maybe more photos of them, but that's not the flowers' fault.]